When you lead with fear you usually do the wrong thing. Once you’re able to take a step back and assess and plan … things go smoother.
Parenting is no different from any other relationship, job, experience in life. It’s full of rules, exceptions, emotions, etc. The best way to harness and package everything up is to have a plan of action.
That plan of action is best kept short & simple (“3 Step Parenting Plan” will help, sign up to Newsletter to receive for free). Make it something you can commit to and follow through with. Once you master it, then you can expand it. And eventually you won’t need it at all. Your fear will be gone and you’ll be so confident in your ability to be a strong leader for your children to turn to that you won’t be second guessing yourself.
If you are a strong, confident parent with no fear of disciplining, your kids will be confident, have high self-esteem and self-respect. You can’t bully or sway someone with those qualities.
Disciplining isn’t being bossy, it’s about teaching your children to be accountable, not spoiled and have no sense of self-entitlement. They will learn that for every action, there’s a reaction: good and bad.
Teach your children that they get back what they put into life. That life isn’t always fair. That they are kind, thoughtful and hard working just because that’s the way to be. Giving is better than getting. And on and on.
This stuff works … I guarantee it!
When I was working with a very troubled teenager I told him that giving is better than getting. He responded with some choice words I can’t even write out. After working with him for awhile he brought me some chocolates he claimed he got for free and didn’t like anyway :). I got all emotional and said, “Thank you.” He looked like that moment in “The Grinch That Stole Christmas” when his heart grew. He finally understood that giving was wonderful.
Anyway, that morphed into him having self-confidence, higher self-esteem, etc., etc.
I was tough on him but I also showed a lot of patience and caring. It’s about balance.
DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS!!!! They’re worth it.
Use my “3 Step Parenting Plan” to help with this. It’s free in my Newsletter, sign up is in the right hand column.
Here’s a rant I posted on Linkedin. Getting more and more frustrated as the years go by. Really trying to drill it into parents that parenting doesn’t have to be hard. That it can be fun and easy. What bothers me about this is that parents give up so easily and allow schools, peers, etc. to take over. It’s not necessary. I know it’s only done because they feel powerless, I totally understand that. About half of my clients cry during our first session as they’re so ashamed that they feel they’re screwing up their kids. I listen for a few minutes before saying, “That was the past! Let it go!!! No one loves their kids more than you love yours. Now let’s learn how to get mutual respect going”.
Stop beating yourself up and start believing in yourself!!!
Anyway, here’s the rant:
Drives me nuts that parents feel so powerless!!! If they only knew how easy parenting could be …
I teach this every day and the only parents who don’t get this are the ones who don’t open their minds. I understand that as I get that way with other aspects of my life (don’t even talk to me about tax time … sweat).
BUT … parenting should be FUN and EASY. You have to put some initial work into it then it’s just maintenance and smooth sailing afterward.
The younger you start, the better. I deal with babies right up to teens and am never hired by parents with teens who respect them.
Ugh … wish parents understood they have so much more power over parenting than they realize. It’s not about their children, it’s all about them.