If we can understand bossy adults, maybe it’ll be easier to understand childhood bullies.
So, what builds a bossy adult? There are a few key ingredients, some may seem contradicting:
- They were spoiled children who always got their way.
- They were neglected children who never got their way.
- They were not popular at all, almost meek at school.
- They were very popular at school, loud and outgoing.
- They were all insecure growing up. Either about their appearance, their intelligence, their ability to be interesting, their fashion/finances, their popularity, etc.
Notice the only thing they all had/have in common is insecurities. They also tend to have high stress levels, are the ones who hold grudges, fester and stew over things when they don’t get their own way. It’s their way or the highway. They know everything, even when they’re wrong.
They are prone to being envious of others, complaining about what they don’t have, seeking control that they didn’t feel they had growing up and they’re in a constant spinning cycle of the need to be the authority on everything. They often search out jobs which enable them to boss people around.
So how can you prevent your children from growing up like this? It’s quite easy, you make them accountable, unspoiled and give them chores!!! Also give them a healthy amount of control over their lives. Make them part of the process of how they’re raised. Ask them what they like, don’t like, how they feel, etc. You’re still in charge of the discipline, but they can certainly have a say in family matters.
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Lisa Bunnage, Parenting Coach