Boy this comes up a lot!!! I guess it’s because many parents are vulnerable when going through problems with their kids.
Some examples of the types of bullying I hear about:
“Maybe if you’d disciplined your children like I told you to do in the first place, you wouldn’t be in this mess now.”
“If you hadn’t yelled at her so much she wouldn’t have run away.”
“Your son was always a handful, I’m not surprised he’s dealing drugs now.”
It’s usually done in a passive-aggressive, “I’m just trying to help you” way … yeah right. The damage such comments make in those painful, vulnerable moments is huge.
(Here’s the “Adult Bullies” blog I wrote previously.)
In adulthood most bullies are either co-workers, neighbours or family. They’re people you can’t get away from or else why would you bother with them? I’m not just talking about people who say the odd hurtful thing to you, I’m talking about people who consistently undermine, interrupt, correct, over-power and/or belittle you.
All bullying comes from a source of insecurity and jealousy which is what my Mom always told me. She said to have compassion when people are nasty as it’s coming from their own inferiority complex. I’d replace the word compassion with the word tolerance. I save compassion for dying children, injured animals, bullied parents, etc.
One of the nastiest things anyone ever said to me was, in many ways, a gift. That was my “aha” moment when that person went right into my mental “dunce corner”. It’s very freeing. (No, it’s not my ex-husband which is what many of you have asked me, ha ha.)
Stop giving your bully power. Think about the worst thing they have ever said to you and try to see it objectively. See it for what it is, i.e., pathetic. Once you get that, you will find they have zero power over you. They’ll sense the shift but are far too self-absorbed to figure it out.
And from now on be careful what you share with them as they’ll file it away and use it against you. Just be polite and keep them in that “dunce corner” of your mind. One client went so far as to do visualization exercises of her bully sitting in a corner with a dunce cap on and said it helped. Her bully was someone very close to her so was more work to get perspective.
Come on, you’re stronger than the weak, insecure bully. There are so many wonderful, interesting, funny, nice people in this world. Don’t let the losers soil even one minute of your life.
Keep sharing …
Lisa Bunnage, Parenting Coach
Survived my first Mother’s Day without my beautiful daughter. Wonderful son and I had a riot. We went go-carting, pubbing, then dining. My lap time (go-carting, not pubbling) was awesome, I’m the car in front 
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